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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Hard butter is the devil.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.