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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.