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If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
High fiving was the original "like".
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.