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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
I flunked anger management class.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
My memory foam has amnesia
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.