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I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.