Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.