Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...