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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
Do you really have to breath that much?
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....