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Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.