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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!