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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal