Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!