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BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.