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It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Hash browns not tags.
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd