Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.