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Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.