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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.