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It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
Honk if you are reading this.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
My number was 0...
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"