Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
I just threw up my weekend.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.