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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”