Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Carfax but for people
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.