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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Some people just need to be clothes lined
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?