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I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Save time. See it my way.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.