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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
pudding... thats always a funny word
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you