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Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.