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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.