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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.