Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.