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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks