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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Iām just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!