Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
My sleep number is 100 proof.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?