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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
The well behaved rarely make history.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"