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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...