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Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.