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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.