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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?