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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!