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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.