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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds