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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
I laugh in the face of normal.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?