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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.