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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.