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I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
exercise........you mean extra fries
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.