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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.