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There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
i feel naked without my mobile !
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.