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Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?