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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.