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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.