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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?