Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
I put the hot in psychotic.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.