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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.