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Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.