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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.