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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!