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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.