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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.