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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.