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I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)