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I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.