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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`