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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"