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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.