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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.