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I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria