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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"