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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day