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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.