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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Iām Not Arguing. Iām Simply Explaining Why Iām Right.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.