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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
Word for the day is asstard
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.