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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?