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Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.