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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.