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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes