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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.