Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.