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I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.