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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
I need a partner in wine.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone