Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!