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Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day