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Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?