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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.