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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Girls just wanna have funds.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.