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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.