Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.