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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over