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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.