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Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.