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Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.