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You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.