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I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."