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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I`m having an out of money experience.