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Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?